D-day

As I hit 26 weeks, I began to give Landon milestones to reach before he could be born. I said he had to wait until after tax day, and he certainly couldn't be born before Easter, and then of course there is Will and Kate's wedding and the NFL draft. I should have known that my kid would do things on his own timeline without reference to what I wanted. The Saturday after I hit 26 weeks, I began to have contractions. I had some slight contractions since my water broke, but these began to happen every hour and were a little more painful than I was used to. The doctors weren't too concerned as they weren't too close together, but began to monitor me and Landon even more closely. Landon didn't seem too bothered by the contractions, though he would give me a swift kick or punch to let me know he was aware of them.

I googled contractions and saw that some people have contractions for weeks before actually going into labor. I was reassured by this. Though reassured, I was starting to get uncomfortable with contractions waking me up all night long. I began to wonder how I would cope with this for several more weeks even though I knew it was best for Landon to stay put. Landon had plans of his own though, and the contractions got worse as Sunday moved into Monday. On Monday April 4th, the doctors began to show signs of concern. They had me stop eating and drinking and hooked me up to numerous monitors. It seemed that Landon was having a hard time keeping up his heart rate with each contraction. We began to talk about the reality of a c-section that day, he was 26 weeks and 5 days.

Though we knew this day could come at any time, I don't think any of us were really prepared. I still was holding on to the thought that maybe this was a false alarm. This was hard to do once the anesthesiology team came in to insert an epidural. Thankfully, my husband's cousin worked in the anesthesiology department and sent in an awesome doctor to oversee the procedure. I sent my husband to the hospital cafeteria to eat some food because a grumpy husband was not a good time and I wanted one of us to have some food if this baby was coming that day. 10 minutes after he left, the doctor went to examine me and immediately said whatever I do, I shouldn't push. Apparently, the baby was ready to come and my epidural was so good I didn't realize it.

We called my poor husband back up and I concentrated on not pushing, as your brain automatically wants to do what you are told not to. I knew that God was watching out for us that day because he sent our favorite doctor to be there to deliver our baby. The combination of that doctor and a fabulous epidural made a terrifying situation bearable. Unlike other moms in labor, I had to deal with the fear of labor and the reality that my baby may not survive long after being born. We got into the operating room and everything seemed so surreal. I glanced to my left and realized my husband was either going to puke or pass out. A nurse got him a chair just in time for the fun part to begin.

A lot of people told me after how brave I was during labor, but I need to admit a secret....I had the best epidural EVER. I literally felt nothing and had to ask the doctor multiple times if I was actually pushing. Being a perfectionist, I wanted to hear that I was the best pusher he had ever seen. He laughed at me, which made me laugh until he told me to stop laughing so I could get the baby out. I would love to be a martyr and talk about the horror stories of surviving labor but passing a kidney stone was about 1000 times worse. I know God was with me during this time and He knew I needed to catch a break to keep my sanity. I truly feel He took away my pain and gave me an amazing doctor to support me.

Once Landon was out, I heard exclaims that he was moving around. First fear that he wouldn't be alive was gone! Now, I had to wait to see if they could get him on a ventilator to help him breathe. This was the scary part as we had been told from the beginning that if his lungs didn't develop, they wouldn't be able to help him even with a ventilator. They took him away and my husband went with him. I believe my heart and a piece of my soul went into the other room with my baby. When my doctor said there was a complication and they would need to do a procedure on me to make sure my placenta got out, I didn't even worry. I was too busy wondering what they were doing with my baby. It was disconcerting because I couldn't feel my stomach so there was a disconnect from the fact he was not in there anymore. It took another two hours to get me stable enough to go to recovery.

From there, my husband came into the room with the first pictures of our baby. He looked like an alien baby with one eye open. Ryan already gave him the nickname 'Pirate.' I was anxious to know how he was doing, but no one seemed to know. Ryan and I sat and cried and wondered how much longer we could wait. We rationalized that no news meant they were still working on him and he was still alive, but we really didn't know that. Finally, the nurses came in and told me if I ate some food, I could see him after. I have never ate a grilled cheese so fast in my life!

I don't remember everything about seeing Landon for the first time. After bed rest for 2 months and the blood loss from the complications of labor, I was pretty lightheaded. The NICU nurses told me not to pass out because they only treat babies and not adults. He looked so small and full of tubes. I couldn't touch him or hold him, just look at him through the glass of the isolette. My nurse came back for me to help me rest, but I snuck out of my room several times throughout the night to come see him. I knew everything we went through was totally worth it, just seeing him there continuing to fight for his life. He was only 1lb 13 oz when born, just under 2 lbs, but definitely mighty.