Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers out there, especially our own mothers who have been invaluable to us over this last year (and our whole lives). We wouldn't have the strength to get through what we have without everything they taught us. A special Happy Mother's Day to all of you preemie moms as well. Although every mother is special, I think it takes an extra special person to be gifted with a preemie son or daughter.
Holding Landon for the first time on my first Mother's Day
He still likes to peep out from his blankets one year later
It would be pretty difficult to surpass the joy of my first Mother's Day when I got to hold my 10 week old, 2 1/2 pound baby for the first time. It was overwhelming and terrifying as he was still on a ventilator. They actually pinned the vent tubes to me and warned me several times of the danger of accidentally pulling his vent tube out. Regardless of how scary it was, I think it was one of the first times it really clicked with me that I was this small, fragile baby's mama.
It is hard to describe being a mom to a micropreemie in their first few months of life unless you are talking to another micropreemie mom. Although you fight for that baby and advocate and become a bit of a doctor, nurse, and respiratory therapist, I felt a bit of detachment from the actual mother role in the first few months. Not being able to hold my baby or really touch him for more than a few moments added to that detachment. Though I think a lot of the reason was a coping mechanism. You love your baby and would do anything for him, but your heart and your brain may need to take a step back while things are so tenuous in order to survive with your sanity intact. That changed when I got to hold him. When his little peepers looked at me from beneath his 'I love Hockey' hat, I finally felt like he knew I was there and that my presence mattered. Sure I realized that intellectually before that point, but I really felt it in my heart on that day, my first Mother's Day.
So that is what my face looks like without tubes
He loves school
Strolling through Plymouth
Fast forward to a year later. This kid is the most laid back, happiest baby I have seen. It is like he doesn't remember any of the trama of his first 6 months. In fact he loves when people rub his belly over his scars! I had another unique experience this Mother's Day of getting to take my baby out and about without oxygen for a few hours a day. Last week when we went to his lung doctor, I didn't have high hopes that we would get to take the oxygen off. I had been so sure we would the last visit and had been so disappointed, I really tried to have low expectations. In typical Landon fashion, he did the exact opposite of what I expected. He did so well when they turned off his oxygen for the routine 5 minute test, they left it off for the rest of the two hour visit. Then they gave us the words we had been waiting to hear, we can started weaning him off of the oxygen! How long it will take is really up to Landon and how he tolerates it. We started by giving him two hours a day without it and will be up to 5 hours tomorrow. I am probably being more conservative about taking it off then Ryan would like, but after all we went through I want to be really sure he will be ok! I do credit some of the reason he finally passed the oxygen test to the fact we saw Dr. Nancy on our way to our appointment. It was wonderful to see her and I think she was the motivation Landon needed to get a move on.
March of Dimes Walk with my parents, my brothers, sister, Aunt Carey, Uncle Cliff,
Aunt Carey's friend and Auntie Jess!
It has been a crazy experience taking him out and about without the bulky tank. I keep looking for it before I remember I didn't bring it. I also have to stop myself from explaining why he is on oxygen when people comment on how cute he is. Before I thought it was a bit of pity 'he's cute' comments due to the oxygen, but without it I realize people are just seeing him the way I have always seen him. The only downside is that he HATES putting the oxygen back on. It is really not his favorite thing anymore so hopefully we are able to get him off the next month or so. I don't know what I will do without oxygen cords to trip over all over the house!
Beyond the great news of getting the oxygen off, we also had a great experience on the March of Dimes walk last week. We have to thank everyone for their support for us and Landon for the walk. We surpassed our goal and raised $3,200! It was amazing seeing all of the other babies and parents and hearing their stories of success. It was also hard to hear the stories of those babies who didn't make it, making us even more grateful for the miracle we received. Many of those babies didn't make it because they were born before the life-saving medication that Landon received for his lungs. The thought that if Landon had been born even 5 or 10 years earlier that he wouldn't have made it, makes you really grateful for every moment.
It happened to be the one cold day of the entire weekend (just our luck). So we all bundled up and hoped that the rain wouldn't come until after the walk was over. We were joined by my family, Ryan's Aunt Carey and Uncle Cliff, Aunt Carey's best friend and one of my good friends, Jess (who raised a good chunk of the money). It was a lonnnggg walk for an out of shape gal like me, but being surrounded by great company kept us going. Landon had a great time laughing and playing in his stroller the whole way. We feel so loved and so supported by everyone, I honestly don't know if we would have survived the last year without the wonderful support network we have!
I will catch this water!
I love my tent! Thanks Uncle Mike!
My family at the end of the March of Dimes walk, didn't think I would make it!
We had a wonderful first birthday party for Landon and celebrated his first Easter out of the NICU last weekend. Although we wanted to have a giant circus of a party to celebrate how far we all have come, we were too worried about exposing him to too many germs after keeping him in quarantine for so long. We finally decided to have a smaller party with family and close friends and have a blow out 'Thank You for Our Miracle' type party closer to when his actual birthday was supposed to be in July.
Landon really enjoyed his smaller party. Our house looked like a Toys R Us ad and Landon didn't know what to do with himself with all of his wonderful presents. He would open one and try to hold on tight to it while I tried to get him to let go and open a new present. Who knows what that poor baby was thinking during that experience! He has such an amazingly supportive family and friends, it was a great experience to get people together and celebrate. To top it off, he went to Easter Mass the next day and got to sit in front of his Physical Therapist Rocky and see one of his NICU doctors, Dr. Courtney and her parents, (I went to grade school with her) amongst many others who prayed for his continued healing. It was amazing seeing everyone, some seeing Landon for the very first time. I know everyone enjoyed seeing the result of their prayers and in the case of Dr. Courtney and Rocky, their hard work.
Landon gave Ryan and I a little Easter gift by devouring some Mickey Mouse pancakes we made for him. I gave him a pancake on a lark as it has been impossible to get him to eat any solids, but the kid acted like a starving man. He had two fists full of pancake and literally jammed handfuls of pancake down his mouth. He couldn't eat fast enough. I think that feeding tube is a thing of the past!
Just playing
Easter Mickey Mouse pancakes yum!
Farmer John overalls
He had two appointments this week, one with a physical medicine doctor and another with his surgeon. The physical medicine doctor was extremely impressed with Landon and how well he sat up and waved 'hello.' He told us although we still have to wait and see to fully know that Landon won't have any long-term complications like Cerebral Palsy, he would have expected to see worrisome signs by now if there was going to be a debilitating problem. More importantly, he said Landon looks so good he really doesn't need to see us again. One doctor down about 50 million to go. It is not that we don't like seeing them, but it is always a good sign when they don't want to see us anymore!
Practicing with no oxygen
After the physical medicine appointment, Landon had to get some blood drawn to check his liver function before his surgeon check up appointment. The ladies at the lab were amazing! I think Landon thought he was at play group because one lady blew bubbles and gave him a glitter wand to play with while the other took his blood. He didn't cry at all at the poke and just played away while she took his blood. The screaming didn't come until he realized they were going to take away his glitter wand. It got even sadder when we saw a little girl in the waiting area, who looked terrified at the thought of going into the lab where Landon exited screaming from!
The next day we went to see his surgeon for a routine check up. In the car on the way to the appointment, I realized that Landon had had his first major surgery one year ago today. He had been barely 2 lbs and desperately trying to fight the deadly NEC infection that caused a hole in his intestines. I started this blog shortly after that surgery to keep our friends and family informed because it was just too heart-breaking to tell people updates multiple times. That day his surgeons brought us into a room and told us that he was very sick and he may not be able to recover from the infection and the surgery. Like everything else in his life, the statistics were far from in his favor. The NICU staff found a room for Ryan and I to stay in that night because they weren't sure he would make it through the night and they knew we would want to be there. Some of his doctors later told us that it took everything they had to leave that day thinking that he would not be there in the morning. In typical Landon fashion, he kept fighting and got a little better each day. Above is a picture we took of him right before we took him to the appointment with the very surgeon who saved his life that day!
Holding my favorite balloon!
Oh! What's in there?
I love Auntie Em
My hot Grandmas and my dapper birthday outfit!
Dr. G. couldn't believe the sight of him when he saw him at the appointment. He jokingly said that the kid looks like an entirely different baby but he still recognizes that stomach. He was so happy with his progress and how well he is doing developmentally. He did notice that Landon had ab separation from all of his surgeries. This is something that should resolve as his abs get stronger, though he may never have a strong '6 pack.' He said in rare cases they may have to rebuild his abdominal wall surgically, but given how well Landon was doing, it should get better with physical therapy. The nurse asked if we would ever want to do a cosmetic surgery to make him a new belly button. Landon promptly started sassing her right after that and Dr. G. commented that with his personality he didn't need a belly button, he could just make up a story! Dr. G. let us know that he was so happy with his progress, we didn't need to see him again. Another doctor down, we are on a roll!
Oh maybe I like this puppy dog...
Birthday boy drum set, thanks Aunt Sally and Uncle Ken!
I am definitely ready for a year that is free from drama and life-threatening decisions. We are ready to just sit back and enjoy our little guy. I do have to thank everyone who has been so generously supportive of our fund raising for our March of Dimes walk in a few weeks. It literally makes me tear up how amazingly supportive people have been. I don't know why I am surprised given how wonderful everyone has been this past year, that you would continue to support us in our latest venture. Now I just hope I can make it through the whole 6 miles!
I don't like birthday cake but birthday cards aren't bad
I recently passed by a church with a sign that stated 'Prayer Changes Things.' A couple of years ago I would have glanced at that sign without a second thought. I mean I considered myself a spiritual person and certainly believed in God, but didn't have much occasion to really reflect on the power He has. All of that changed for me and not only do I know that prayer changes things, I now know that prayer changes EVERYTHING. I know this because one year ago today at 3:05pm to be exact, my husband and I were given what seemed to be the insurmountable task of keeping an impossibly tiny baby alive.
I haven't talked much about that day on this blog. It was such a blur when it happened and still seems surreal now looking back. I was just getting used to the discomfort of hospital bed rest and the reality of the contractions I had been having about every 30 minutes for the last week. When my doctors came rushing in to tell us that Landon's heart rate was dropping with the contractions and it was time for him to join us in the scary outside world, I didn't totally compute their words. I was busy mourning the loss of what should have been Landon's birth experience. He should have had family and friends waiting in the waiting room for a first glance at him. He should have been whisked into his mama's arms instead of the cold, sterile treatment room. He should have weighed more than 1lb 13 oz and been older than 26 weeks.
I suffered some complications after he was born and had to stay in the operating room for several hours while they worked on me. All the while having no idea if my baby lived or passed on. The anesthesiologist tried to distract me with talk of his recent vacation. Although mundane, I believe it saved my sanity because it was becoming increasingly hard to fight the panic that my baby could die before I got to hold him. I don't know who this was harder on, me or Ryan who followed Landon to the treatment room so he could witness his baptism before he was ushered into the waiting room with our family. At least I had drugs on my side!
Once they were finally finished working on me, I was transferred back into my room. It was such a disconcerting feeling to know that I had been in that room that morning with a wiggly baby inside me and now he was in the world without me. I had no idea what he was going through, but I did know that he was still fighting because the doctors had promised they would bring him for us to hold if he was too little and too sick to fight. Ryan had two pictures they took of him and I have to admit I was horrified. He was so very small and weak looking. I couldn't imagine how he could keep fighting. That kid has certainly taught me never to doubt him in the future!
I don't remember a lot about the first time I saw him. I was overwhelmed by tubes and wires and my own blood loss. The machines were explained to us and the nurse assured us that after a few weeks the beeping wouldn't even phase us. That was so hard to believe, little did I know that Ryan and I would be explaining those same machines to other NICU parents in the coming months. We were told statistics and risk factors and all of the terrible short term and long term challenges our baby could face. However, I remember his first attending, Dr. D. telling us something that we embraced each time a new challenge and new set of statistics was presented to us. He said remember your son's chances at anything (survival, long term disabilities, blindness, infection, etc) are not whatever scary statistic the medical books say. They are 0% or 100% because our son is an individual and those statistics don't take into account that what is Landon. He had a 0 or 100% chance of living and man if he didn't choose 100%.
You know the rest of the story. Who knows what the actual statistics are of Landon surviving to this day. I am sure they are somewhere along the lines of the chances of someone winning the lotto. (I'll take Landon the wonder boy over the lotto any day). You see when we were disheartened by statistics we didn't take into account the thoughts and prayers of our family and friends or the world class medical staff at CS Mott Children's Hospital or what can only be called the 'Landon Factor'- our angel pie's God given will to fight and survive what most adults would have collapsed under.
He had a fabulous birthday today. He got to take cupcakes to the staff at the NICU and attempted to eat birthday cake (not too sure about it). The best birthday present is that we took out his feeding tube last week, and he is going strong so far without it! He also looks a whole lot better :). Wherever we went today people would stop us and comment on what a beautiful baby we had. He has a presence, a charisma that I feel like goes beyond just a mommy's opinion. It is like people can see the hand of God in him, something everyone has but is just so clearly shining from him.
We decided to just have a small party for him and wait to have a huge party in the summer when he was actually due. Mostly because of my fear of the tail end of cold and flu season and not wanting him to be exposed to anything while he is still on oxygen. We have an appointment in the beginning of May to hopefully talk about starting to take off the oxygen...trying to not get too excited yet.
Besides who cares about a little bit of oxygen (he needs just a whiff now) when I have a miracle baby! I know it is hard to believe given how wordy I usually am, but I don't have the words to thank all of the people who have been a part of keeping this baby alive and thriving. I hope you all know of our gratitude and undying thankfulness. You are the reason we have this baby, just as much as we are.
I do have to specifically say something about the two most important men in my life. Looking back it is easy to see where Landon got his personality and perseverance from. My husband is an amazing man, he is the epitome of what a father should be. He came to the NICU every day even though he worked all night. He was always strong when I couldn't be. And now he feeds and bathes and changes this baby, he goes to play groups when I am at work (usually as the only guy there) and he just loves his son.
My Landon has changed the lives of countless people in his short year. His essence just shines and makes you want to be a better person because you realize what a gift life is. I have unlimited expectations for my little man in the years to come and can't wait to share his triumphs with you!
Birthday Boy!
Standing up
First Birthday present from Aunt Carey and Uncle Cliff...toddler golf clubs!
One year ago I learned the meaning of the first of a long list of acronyms I didn't know existed (and probably wouldn't mind forgetting). PPROM or preterm premature rupture of membranes is the medical term for when your water breaks in pregnancy too soon for the baby to be considered 'viable.' A search on Google doesn't give a lot of information about PPROM and the information that is there is all pretty depressing. Last year at this time I was lying in a hospital bed desperately trying to find hope out of those 5 letters. It wasn't the medical websites or my doctors who provided it, it was other mothers. Mothers who were on bed rest, trying to keep their babies 'baking' like me. Mothers who choose to keep fighting even when given the grim news I was given. Mothers from all over the world who I never met, who gave me the hope to keep going. We cheered each other on as each delivered our babies, mourned with those whose babies lost their fight, and celebrated with those whose babies continued their journey. Those women kept me going each day and I say a prayer each day for them and those that are in the position I was 1 year ago to keep their faith.
Sitting in his easy chair
Little Lion Landon
Landon exactly 1 year from the day my water broke
Good Morning Mama
Practicing crawling
Loves his bucket
Hi Mama I rolled over
Trying on his birthday/Easter hat
I remember praying to God to allow me to see into the future and know what was going to happen, to know that everything I was going through would be worth it. Sometimes I think the not knowing of bed rest was worse than all of the obstacles we faced in the NICU. What would I have told myself a year ago if God let future me say what right now holds for our family? I would say don't get caught up in the acronyms. After PPROM there was RDS, NEC, ROP, and BPD...among others. Each came with a plethora of Google searches with information on the incredible and terrible things Landon would have to face. The funny thing is although I lived and breathed it and probably read the same research that Landon's doctors were basing their decisions for him on, it seems like a distant fog to me now. I would tell the last year me that this will be the longest and fastest year of your life, but you will look at your 11 month old baby and forget about the needles and tubes and shots and doctors and fear because he will just be your little boy.
The weather has been getting nicer and we have had more opportunities to take Landon outside and finally get to see the world. It is sometimes hard when you have to withstand all of the people staring at him wondering what happened to him. Sometimes I feel as if they wonder why we weren't better parents to keep him safe from prematurity. Of course I understand this is mostly in my head. Really the best part is when you see a person stare at him and something changes in their face and they smile. In that moment I know they are seeing the little boy I see. No tubes or scars but a beautiful boy with eyes that twinkle and a smile that can light up a room. In that moment you can forget I have a preemie baby with a long list of issues and just bask in the glow of being the mom of a cute baby.
Beyond getting cuter every day, Landon has been progressing really well developmentally. He can sit up pin straight (better than either of his parents). In fact, he prefers to sit up and if I try to allow him to lean against me or the couch he will use his core muscles to pull himself up to sitting by himself. It was crazy when he started doing it this week. That baby amazes me every day. He can even stand for short periods of time while holding onto his toy tables!
He got his first two teeth actually on the night we call my PPROMiversary. What I wouldn't give to go back a year ago that day and tell the doctor that because I choose not to terminate my little boy as she recommended, I had the pleasure of spending a night one year later up with him as my perfect baby cut his first teeth. Of course he did two at once, that Landon never does anything the easy way! His baby teeth will have some issues with the enamel because of the antibiotics and the liquid nutrition Landon received in the hospital. Thankfully, this just affects his baby teeth, but still frustrates me as one more thing he will have to deal with.
He also had his vision checked and the doctors could not believe how good his sight was given everything he went through! He has better vision than either of his parents! He also has better hearing as I found out when I was sitting with him in his hearing test and realized he could hear things I couldn't :). We even tried to go two weeks without his feeding tube. He did great eating all of his bottles, but unfortunately didn't gain any weight. We are going to keep the tube for a bit longer because he is so active, we think he is just burning more calories than he can consume himself.
We have a big week this week with an appointment with both his cardiologist and his lung doctor. He had a test to see if his pulmonary hypertension is under control. We got great news that his heart looked a lot better than the last time they tested it. All of the doctors and nurses were so impressed by how well he looked! They crowded around him and he was like a prince on his throne laughing and 'talking' to his court. It was a wonderful feeling. Most importantly, the cardiologist gave us the all clear to start weening his oxygen if his lung doctor agrees. We have that appointment on Friday and are hoping to be able to start the process. It can take 6 months or more to fully get off of oxygen, but I would love to get him off before he is more mobile!
One more important update. In celebration for the beautiful baby we were given as a miracle, we have recently decided to participate in the March of Dimes March for babies next month. I have mentioned this organization before and can't say enough positive things about them. They are the reason our little man survived in the critical first hours of his life. The research the March of Dimes does for prematurity babies lead to the medicine they gave Landon's lungs that allowed him to breathe. Other research has lead to medicine that will allow Ryan and I to have a better chance at a full term baby if we ever decide to try this crazy ride again.
We would love your support for us on this walk. You can find our family team's page here: http://marchforbabies.org/team/lionlandon. We would love anyone to join us who would like to for the walk and would definitely appreciate any donations you are willing to give. Our goal is to help one less family and one less baby have to go through what we did! Thank you!
Looking at my first tree and new Polar Express train
Happy Boy
Watching the Lions with Poppop
I'm such a celebrity I am featured in a calendar!
My first Christmas present from Great Grandma Mary
My first normal baby boo-boo (mommy cut my nail too short)
Ready for the ice!
Christmas bear from Aunt Sally
I love Christmas!
Who is that cute baby in the mirror?
Mommy and me had a long day...
First day at school!
Jumparoo!
It has been awhile since I last posted. Landon is doing fabulously (he is 10 months old today!) and I didn't post because we were doing normal family things like celebrating Landon's first Christmas and New Years, me going back to work, and Landon starting 'school.' It is certainly a challenge juggling everything but it is nice when my biggest problems are trying to figure out scheduling for the family and not having to make life and death decisions for my son.
We are in such a different place at the start of this new year than we were last year. Last year we had just started telling friends and family about my pregnancy. We were looking forward to a new stage of our lives with a little bit of fear, but mostly with excitement. Of course our lives turned upside down and I honestly don't think I could have ever imagined what 2011 turned out to be for us. We decided for 2012 we will take the joys and the miracles we experienced in 2011 but will leave the fear, angst and devastation back in last year!
I realized how far we have come on the way home from work last week. I stopped at Target to pick up some food for Landon and was searching for a phone charger in the console of my car. In my search I found a camera. Taking a moment to look over the pictures, I saw pictures from our trip to Europe 2 years ago, my mom's graduation from college (still so proud of her) from several years ago, and my brother Joey's First Communion 5 years ago. Then I came across Landon pictures from his first week of life. I think like most people, as you get further from a traumatic experience you begin to forget about the most painful aspects of it. I didn't realize that was true of Landon's birth and first week of life before those pictures brought me back.
Mommy and Daddy wanted to see what I look like without tubes
I am absolutely convinced even more than before after being able to finally look at those pictures from a clearer frame of mind that Landon is only here through the grace of God. The baby in those pictures should not have survived to be the little man we have today without a Higher Being who had a purpose for him. Included in God's plan for him was certainly the AMAZING medical system and medical staff that touched ours and more importantly Landon's life. We were given the opportunity to visit the recently opened new state-of-the-art NICU at the hospital Landon spent the first 6 months of his life. It was wonderful to see his doctors and nurses who really became our family. Even better we got to tell Dave Brandon (the current athletic director for the University of Michigan and one of the major philanthropists behind the new NICU) how well his money was spent because of the one of the kind doctors, nurses, and other medical staff that exists at that hospital.
Landon has had a busy month with doctor's appointments and physical therapy and developmental play groups at 'school'. He had the first of a series of visits with the NICU follow-up clinic in early January. This clinic consists of Landon's former NICU fellows and a neurologist. This was a nerve-wrecking visit for me because they test Landon's cognitive, social, and motor skills to determine where he sits according to his adjusted age. It is also where they may see signs of more significant issues like cerebral palsy. We were thrilled to see Dr. Stephen when we got there. That was my first reassuring moment because Dr. Stephen knows Landon and my biggest fear was some doctor who didn't know him would do the assessment and wouldn't score him well. Dr. Stephen first met Landon in May when he was less then 2 lbs and deathly ill. It was a full circle life thing for him to see him at 13 lbs (now 14.5) and a happy go lucky baby.
Dr. Stephen was happy with his tests and reported to us that he was right on track for his adjusted age! This was a relief, though I still was waiting for the other shoe to drop. The neurologist came in after Dr. Stephen's assessment and worked with him for a few moments. She noted that his hamstrings seemed tight and she saw what I have been scared of for several months now, his weaker left side. I asked the question I had been holding in, was that weakness Cerebral Palsy? I know we wouldn't get a confirmation or denial in that appointment, it is just too early. She said what I knew she would say, that she is of course concerned about the same thing. She said we need to continue what we have already started doing with physical therapy. Her hope is that when we come back in 6 months she won't see the weakness anymore because we had worked so hard with physical therapy. This is our best case scenario.
I have to force myself not to dwell on the possibility of neurological development delays. I find myself staring at every little movement or lack of movement and worrying that it is a sign of the dreaded CP. The neurologist assured us that if he does have an issue like this it seems very mild, which would make it very treatable. By doing extensive physical therapy now, we are hoping to set Landon up for success regardless of any diagnosis we get in the future. Like pretty much everything else in his life, we have to let it go and wait and see what happens.
Landon also had a visit with his lung doctor. He continues to grow and do better, but needs the oxygen. When they tested him it was just 1 point below their alarm limit for oxygen. That is getting closer and closer to hopefully starting to wean the oxygen. Hopefully after his heart and lung tests in March, we will see an end in sight with the oxygen!
We continue to have a love/hate relationship with his feeding tube. It is a wonderful tool to make sure we are pumping as much calories into him to help him (and his lungs) grow. However, as he gets older, he dislikes it more and more. We spend a lot of the day fighting with him to keep it in. He then 'complains' vehemently with the 2 or 3 sounds he knows how to make, but I know when I am getting sassed! We have started trying some solid foods like rice and purees, but he isn't particularly fond of them. We have a therapist to help with this and we keep on trying, though it is heartbreaking to see him struggle at things other babies do without a second thought.
He is sitting up on his own and rolls over. He even likes to stand holding onto his music table for about 30 seconds at a time. The kid LOVES music. This is no surprise since he loved music even when he was still inside of me. His little kicks to music were one of the reasons I knew I was doing the right thing in continuing to fight for him while on bed rest. He is a social butterfly and laughs laughs laughs. I know I would be a much grumpier person if I went through everything he did, but his true laid back personality just seems to shine on through! We have been even able to take him out to eat at restaurants with his preemie girlfriend Peyton and her parents. He also had a playdate with his friend Sophie (not to be confused with Sophie the Giraffe teething toy) and is quite the little player. I do promise to try to make updates more frequently, but I must say I have a new found respect for working (and stay at home mothers). It's hard work!
