We Did It! Happy Birthday Baby!!!

First time at the park

Strolling around on St. Patrick's Day

I recently passed by a church with a sign that stated 'Prayer Changes Things.' A couple of years ago I would have glanced at that sign without a second thought. I mean I considered myself a spiritual person and certainly believed in God, but didn't have much occasion to really reflect on the power He has. All of that changed for me and not only do I know that prayer changes things, I now know that prayer changes EVERYTHING. I know this because one year ago today at 3:05pm to be exact, my husband and I were given what seemed to be the insurmountable task of keeping an impossibly tiny baby alive.

I haven't talked much about that day on this blog. It was such a blur when it happened and still seems surreal now looking back. I was just getting used to the discomfort of hospital bed rest and the reality of the contractions I had been having about every 30 minutes for the last week. When my doctors came rushing in to tell us that Landon's heart rate was dropping with the contractions and it was time for him to join us in the scary outside world, I didn't totally compute their words. I was busy mourning the loss of what should have been Landon's birth experience. He should have had family and friends waiting in the waiting room for a first glance at him. He should have been whisked into his mama's arms instead of the cold, sterile treatment room. He should have weighed more than 1lb 13 oz and been older than 26 weeks.

I suffered some complications after he was born and had to stay in the operating room for several hours while they worked on me. All the while having no idea if my baby lived or passed on. The anesthesiologist tried to distract me with talk of his recent vacation.  Although mundane, I believe it saved my sanity because it was becoming increasingly hard to fight the panic that my baby could die before I got to hold him. I don't know who this was harder on, me or Ryan who followed Landon to the treatment room so he could witness his baptism before he was ushered into the waiting room with our family. At least I had drugs on my side!

Once they were finally finished working on me, I was transferred back into my room. It was such a disconcerting feeling to know that I had been in that room that morning with a wiggly baby inside me and now he was in the world without me. I had no idea what he was going through, but I did know that he was still fighting because the doctors had promised they would bring him for us to hold if he was too little and too sick to fight. Ryan had two pictures they took of him and I have to admit I was horrified. He was so very small and weak looking. I couldn't imagine how he could keep fighting. That kid has certainly taught me never to doubt him in the future!

I don't remember a lot about the first time I saw him. I was overwhelmed by tubes and wires and my own blood loss. The machines were explained to us and the nurse assured us that after a few weeks the beeping wouldn't even phase us. That was so hard to believe, little did I know that Ryan and I would be explaining those same machines to other NICU parents in the coming months. We were told statistics and risk factors and all of the terrible short term and long term challenges our baby could face. However, I remember his first attending, Dr. D. telling us something that we embraced each time a new challenge and new set of statistics was presented to us. He said remember your son's chances at anything (survival, long term disabilities, blindness, infection, etc) are not whatever scary statistic the medical books say. They are 0% or 100% because our son is an individual and those statistics don't take into account that what is Landon. He had a 0 or 100% chance of living and man if he didn't choose 100%.

You know the rest of the story. Who knows what the actual statistics are of Landon surviving to this day. I am sure they are somewhere along the lines of the chances of someone winning the lotto. (I'll take Landon the wonder boy over the lotto any day). You see when we were disheartened by statistics we didn't take into account the thoughts and prayers of our family and friends or the world class medical staff at CS Mott Children's Hospital or what can only be called the 'Landon Factor'- our angel pie's God given will to fight and survive what most adults would have collapsed under.


He had a fabulous birthday today. He got to take cupcakes to the staff at the NICU and attempted to eat birthday cake (not too sure about it). The best birthday present is that we took out his feeding tube last week, and he is going strong so far without it! He also looks a whole lot better :). Wherever we went today people would stop us and comment on what a beautiful baby we had. He has a presence, a charisma that I feel like goes beyond just a mommy's opinion. It is like people can see the hand of God in him, something everyone has but is just so clearly shining from him. 


We decided to just have a small party for him and wait to have a huge party in the summer when he was actually due. Mostly because of my fear of the tail end of cold and flu season and not wanting him to be exposed to anything while he is still on oxygen. We have an appointment in the beginning of May to hopefully talk about starting to take off the oxygen...trying to not get too excited yet. 


Besides who cares about a little bit of oxygen (he needs just a whiff now) when I have a miracle baby! I know it is hard to believe given how wordy I usually am, but I don't have the words to thank all of the people who have been a part of keeping this baby alive and thriving. I hope you all know of our gratitude and undying thankfulness. You are the reason we have this baby, just as much as we are. 


I do have to specifically say something about the two most important men in my life. Looking back it is easy to see where Landon got his personality and perseverance from. My husband is an amazing man, he is the epitome of what a father should be. He came to the NICU every day even though he worked all night. He was always strong when I couldn't be. And now he feeds and bathes and changes this baby, he goes to play groups when I am at work (usually as the only guy there) and he just loves his son.


My Landon has changed the lives of countless people in his short year. His essence just shines and makes you want to be a better person because you realize what a gift life is. I have unlimited expectations for my little man in the years to come and can't wait to share his triumphs with you! 

Birthday Boy!

Standing up

First Birthday present from Aunt Carey and Uncle Cliff...toddler golf clubs!

Not sure about birthday cake...