Feels Like Home to Me

First bath! (I am sure he will kill me for posting this when he is older. I cannot wait to show this pic to his first girlfriend!)

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Landon watching the Kardashians...I know bad parenting :)

Loves his Auntie Em!

Found his hands!

When Ryan and I got married 6 years ago we danced our first dance to the song "Feels Like Home" by Chantal Kreviazuk. I remember dancing and being amazed that I was a wife. (I also remember wondering why I choose such a long song when I wearing 4 inch heels.) I was watching a movie this week and that song played on the movie. The lyrics went straight to my heart as I held my little guy.

"Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong"

If only I had a glimpse of what that song would mean to me 6 years ago dancing in my new husband's arms, the feeling I have being home with Landon was unfathomable until I actually felt it. 

He continues to thrive at home. He really is a different baby in 2 short weeks and the hard memories of the NICU are fading (something I never believed would happen). Of course the memories of all the wonderful people who were introduced into our lives during this experience will never fade. I tell Landon every day how he has touched the lives of people all over the world. He has made more of an impact on the world in his short life than some people do in a lifetime.

I have to remind myself of Landon's impact often as being home has also brought back some of the feelings about getting the short end of the stick. It is a miracle we got to bring him home, but it reminds me that he should have been able to come home as a full term baby without oxygen or feeding tubes or medicines. It makes me sad for everything he has had to endure and continues to endure. Then I remember that his journey will save the lives of other babies. Doctors and nurses and surgeons who encounter other babies like Landon will remember him and will take his experiences to help them. My own doctors who thought that he wouldn't make it once my water broke will now have a success story to tell the next scared mother to be facing a choice to deliver her baby or fight longer for their life. 

I am so grateful for the beautiful, precious baby, but man is he a lot of work! Being the crazy gal that I am, I created a charting system for Ryan and I to keep track of feedings, meds, and even dirty diapers! Eating is still a battle as Landon continues to work on not fighting the feeling of something in his mouth. He is still growing well and is over 10 lbs! He laughs and keeps his hands in his mouth most of the time. We are excited about that, but less excited by his new-found ability to take off his oxygen and take out his feeding tube. I told him if he would take his whole bottle he wouldn't need that rotten feeding tube! He will soon be getting therapy to work on his feeding and I really hope will we take out that feeding tube for good by the end of the year.

He got to take his first bath in a bathtub and LOVED it! He had to get over the new feeling of being submerged but splashed away and cried when I took him out. He also loves watching the Tigers and the Kardashians (I know bad parenting, but only let him watch when I am desperate). He enjoys the Duck Song as well thanks to his friend Sophie. (Youtube the Duck Song and you will see).

He sleeps through the night, but makes a lot of groaning noises. This keeps me awake because I am always afraid he is waking up or choking or not breathing. We call him the Gremlin because he makes gremlin noises at night and when he is eating. Grem for short :). He is the cutest lil gremlin there ever was!