Countdown to Surgery

We finally got the news we have been waiting what seems like a lifetime to hear (well I guess it really has been a lifetime....Landon's lifetime). Landon's surgery to reconnect his intestines has been scheduled for Monday! We are both excited and nervous and cautiously optimistic. There is always a chance that his surgery could get bumped for another emergency so we will be worried until he is actually wheeled down to the operating room.

He has had a great week so far, although he has needed oxygen again due to some electrolyte issues. We are not too worried about that because when he goes to surgery he will need to be put back on the vent anyway so a little oxygen right now is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

The surgery is a scary and daunting thing. We know it is necessary for him to get well enough to go home but it is also a huge risk. The surgeons and doctors have counseled us well. This is a big surgery and he will get pretty sick after it. He won't look like himself and will need to be heavily sedated to make sure he is comfortable and doesn't hurt himself or pull out his ventilator tube. It is completely up to Landon how long it will take for him to recover. He may be on the ventilator for a few days or it could be months. This is because once his intestines are back in his stomach, there will be less room for his lungs to breathe. Since he already has breathing issues, surgery could make these issues worse.

Once again we find ourselves wondering what the future will hold for us. I remember sitting on bed rest wishing for it to just be over so I could know what was going to happen. Not knowing is worse then dealing with a hard outcome. At least when a hard outcome happens, you just deal with it versus worrying about the unknown where you can do nothing about it. It is hard to play with my baby today who is so active and happy and know the terrible pain he will be in in just two days. I wish I could take that pain away from him. My heart breaks knowing that he will go to sleep and wake up with a tube down his throat and a giant scar on his belly. What will he think? How long will it take for him to be the sweet baby we have come to know over the past 4 months?

I know there are angels looking out for my Landon. I sometimes notice him looking up in the corner of the room at the ceiling and smiling. There is nothing there that I can see, but I like to think there is his guardian angel or maybe another baby angel watching him and giving him the strength to fight. We continue to pray for patience and faith in God's plan for our little man. It is all we can really do.

In the meantime, I must borrow words from another preemie mom. I hope she doesn't mind me borrowing them as preemie moms are a special society of women who have a shared an experience that very few can understand. We say these words to our Landon that she said to her daughter and hope for his continued strength to fight.

Landon is a good boy. A strong boy. A fighter. Mommy and Daddy are not giving up, don't you give up. People will tell you you can't do things. They are wrong. Don't listen to them. This is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, the hardest thing I have ever asked of anyone. It will be worse before it is better. But I promise you, I promise that we are right beside you. You are not ever alone. When I am not here, you are in my heart and always always on my mind. If you can get through this, I promise you that there is a wonderful life waiting on the other side. You are so loved and wanted. We will make this up to you. We will make this fight worthwhile.